The Common Denominator of All Grief

The Common Denominator of All Grief

The first noticeable difference achieved when someone is navigating grief God’s way is a change in attitude, perspective, and outlook about their loss and their resulting situation.

Light bulb moments occur as I make statements about life that are often obvious, but simply never considered through the muddled mind of someone who is grieving.  Numerous of such statements are offered throughout my first several coaching sessions, with time between each to ponder, pray, and journal about what was learned.  The culmination of these stated facts produces a mental shift in the grieving individual that equips them to begin to live again….while they grieve.  (This is an improved status over the often previous status of having shut down and given up on life, while grief overtakes every sense and sensibility.)

One such obvious statement that produces such an Aha! is this:

Love is common denominator of all grief.  When coaching face-to-face, I am always amazed at the immediate change of facial expression when this obvious, but overlooked fact is stated.  When coaching via phone, the first response is usually silence as they let the fact sink in.  And so I elaborate….No one grieves the loss of anyone who was not precious to them, who was not loved and valued by them, who was not a significant contributor to the quality of their existence.

So…does realizing this fact mean they should now grieve even harder?  Now that their mind has acknowledged what their heart already knew…that love is the catalyst for their grief?

NO!  Now their perspective about their situation begins to be rearranged, as I further explain:  The only reason you grieve so much is because you loved so much. And more than likely, the love was reciprocal.

And then I remind them that the love was a blessing from a loving God, a God Who will continue to bless because He continues to love.

HOW BLESSED YOU ARE TO HAVE EXPERIENCED SUCH LOVE!  Many people never do. HOW BLESSED YOU ARE TO HAVE SUCH SPECIAL MEMORIES TO RECALL, with your Loved One playing the starring role. HOW BLESSED YOU ARE TO KNOW THAT, AS A CHRISTIAN, YOUR LOVED ONE IS NOT IN YOUR PAST, BUT IN YOUR FUTURE!, I remind my clients as their anger begins to melt, and their heaviness begins to dissipate.  It’s only the beginning of a journey worth traveling.

And so the determination to transition through one’s grief becomes stronger.  Wanting to live again, to experience renewed meaning and purpose after the death of a Loved One is an outlook that honors God.  And He reciprocates by holding your hand as you continue learning to navigate grief His way.

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